Social Anxiety Diary

Paul McKenna has quite a few books and CDs out these days but I dug this one out the other day and gave it a listen today.

There are two parts on the CD: one you listen and do the exercises and the other you listen to whilst relaxing and subconsciously take in the information.

I find it hard to tell what makes a difference with my social anxiety as it changes day to day anyway and things that seem hard one day are easy the next and there are a million and one factors that affect my outlook on life.  But having said all that I did feel slightly more confident in myself after giving the CD a listen.

I think it is worth a go and I will endeavour to listen to it once a day for a month and see how I go.  Its only 25 mintues out of a day so not too much to ask.

Amazon have it for sale if you are interested, click here to find out more.

Since I’ve been living in Thailand I’ve been trying to learn to speak Thai.  You don’t really need to most of the time as everyone seems to speak a small amount of English at least but it would make life easier and probably more fun!

We’ve been having group lessons which I’ve been enjoying and doing ok in.  I’ve not been shy to put my hand up and get stuck in but when it comes to actually using Thai out and about I hardly do it.  I always seem to chicken out at the last moment and speak English.

The times I do try to speak Thai they either don’t have a clue what I’m saying or just reply in English.

I’m going to start having a few more lessons as I feel like a bit of a div speaking English all the time but without practising and using it in the real world it is not going to happen.  Hopefully the new lessons will improve my confidence and then I can try it out more often on the street.

There will be another Leading Light event in London on April 25 2009.

The event is for people with social anxiety who would like to know what treatment is available and a chance to meet other people with social anxiety.

The day is organised into various workshops that you can attend to hear about various treatments for social anxiety.

I went to the last one and found it really useful as I got to hear about cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), thought field therapy (TFT), neuro linguistic programming (NLP) and hypnosis.

I won’t be attending this one as I will be on holiday but highly recommend it as it is a great way to find out more about the treatments out there helping you decided which one is for you.

Check out the website for full details: http://leadinglight.org.uk/

I’ve been half-heartedly looking for a new job for over a year now. My efforts usually go in cycles like this:

1. Re-do CV & upload it to various job sties
2. Get phone calls from agencies which I let go to voicemail
3. Plan to call them back but never do
4. Give up
5. Find a job to apply for
6. Apply for said job & get an interview
7. Don’t go to the interview as I manage to talk myself out of the job with reasons like I don’t really want the job, might as well stay where I am or can’t get time of work when really it’s my social anxiety telling me I don’t want to go for it

The other day I got a call from an agency which as usual I let go to answer phone.  I’d had quite a few that week and decided I really should call one of them back so I picked this one and called them back.  We had a chat and I arranged to go in for a pre-interview with the agency to see if they thought I was suitable for them and what kind of roles I would like to be put forward for.

Today after work I went to the agency for the interview and like most things I get anxious about it went really well and I was left wondering why I’d been resisting it for so long.  I’d never actually been into an agency to register and it was pretty straight forward: we just chatted about my experience and what roles they think I should be put forward for.  They asked me what rate I was looking at and I said one that was only a bit more than my current equivalent day rate when really I wanted to say a bit more but we can work on that for next time.

I should be getting a call about a job tomorrow and overall it went really well and I will definitely do it again with other agencies if nothing comes of this one.

Hopefully I will get a new job soon and earn some decent money for a change!

I saw a piece in the Guardian the other day about blushing and this book by a former sufferer of extreme blushing was mentioned:

When Blushing Hurts: Overcoming Abnormal Facial Blushing by Enrique Jadresic MD

It it aimed at people who blush more than they would like to as well as health professionals who may deal with people who suffer from this affliction aiming to educate them about the condition in order to help them better.

It also covers the operation you can have to stop blushing called endoscopic transthoracic sympathectomy.

My blushing has gotten a lot better as the years go by.  Sometimes I wonder if it is because I know which situations to avoid so I don’t blush but it is probably a bit of me being more confident and a bit of my avoiding certain situations.

I’ve got loads better at presentations over the years.  When I look back there is one particular one that sticks out and makes me cringe.  It was at college and involved a boring topic and OHPs that weren’t printed correctly and me turning a deep shade of red!

Since doing a best man’s speech last year to a few hundred people I now am less nervous and anxious before doing a presentation as after that anything is easy.

The other day I had to chair an impromptu discussion at work during a meeting and although at the start of the meeting I was told I would be doing one it did feel a bit like it had been sprung on me.  It was only to about 20 people but wasn’t on a topic I’d had much experience with and as I stood up to give the intro I could feel myself going a bit red but once the discussion got going and people starting getting involved I started to relax and the rest of it went ok.

Overall it was a good experience and another piece of evidence to stick in the brain that I am not rubbish at that sort of thing and something to give me confidence next time I have to do a presentation or speech.

Yes I know it is about three months too early and the same thing happened last year only for summer not to appear but like most Brits I can’t help getting carried away at the first sign of sun.

It was nice on Sunday and looks even nicer today with tomorrow supposed to be even better.

Some people have claimed it is tit Monday but I think they are jumping the gun a bit even though it might look like it is out on the street.

On days like this, when the sun is shining, social anxiety seems but a distant memory, I am excited about the summer and all it entails: beer gardens, barbecues and beaches.

I went to a pub quiz last night with some friends and some people I hadn’t met before.

I was a bit nervous about going as I would be meeting new people and in a group which is a situation I can find hard to be sociable in.

The pub quiz was a good distraction as we were all focused on that rather than making small talk.  Most people in the team were pretty loud and confident and at each question they feigned knowledge of the answer, giving wrong answers rather than admit a lack of knowledge.

I knew the answers to a few questions but being quite shy and retiring I found it quite hard to confidently present the answer and my claim was often lost in the crowd the first time I said it but eventually it registered and was written down to claim us another point.

After the quiz the few pints I had drunk has suitably warmed me up and I had a few good chats before heading home.

Needless to say we didn’t win.

Sociability 1 : Social Anxiety 0

Not quite a new blog but I’ve moved from blogger to a hosted installation of Wordpress as I much prefer Wordpress.

New address is http://socialanxietydiary.co.uk/

Charisma is a rare trait found in certain human personalities usually including extreme charm and a ‘magnetic’ quality of personality and/or appearance along with innate and powerfully sophisticated personal communicability and persuasiveness.

I guess everyone wants to be charismatic especially those with social anxiety but it seems to me that having social anxiety will severely diminish someones level of charisma.

So what can we do about it? Here are some tips I have seen repeated on a few websites:

• Look confident: improve posture, be everyone equal
• Match your body language to how you speak
• Think before you speak
• Speak with conviction

Easier said than done? Perhaps, but I think its worth looking into.

There are quite a few books on the subject: